Siento una terrible culpabilidad por algo malo que hise, y no se que hacer para sentirme mejor. No dejo de pensar en eso, y le he pedido a Dios que me perdonara, pero ni yo misma puedo perdonarme... Se me pasara con el tiempo? Siento temor de que las personas lo descubran, me sentiría tan avergonzada. Se que cometi un error, pero no es solo eso, creo que me he convertido en una mala persona, ya no reconozco mis acciones, lo que hago, hasta como pienso: y cuando me converti tan cinica? Yo no quiero ser asi... yo quiero poder aun creer en las personas... Todavía estoy a tiempo de arreglar las cosas? Yo solo espero que no sea demasiado tarde, estare siendo muy dramatica? Pero es que asi me siento..

Mi bebe

Yo no se si es que le gusta sentir mi olor corporal, o le gusta sentir como la ropa queda en cuanto al calor despues de usada, pero a ella le encanta esperar a que me quite todo para acurrucarse en ella. She's so sweet...

Understanding my boss?

Today sure was a difficult day. My boss spoke to me in a way he has never done before. He didn't necessarily scream at me nor was he in the least unrespecftul, but he sure noticed I felt bad; I mean, I'm very expressive in the face. I just respect him so much, you know? And curiously, I'm fond of him a lot, in a way he'll never know. I'm always blessing him and desiring in my heart that things will work for him. I bet he has no idea, because it's such an uncommon thing, But I think he noticed I felt so bad for he was in a way, like always, but much more noticeable this time, padding my hair in a very fatherly way like he always does and he called me my love, which he ONLY does in very rare ocasions, like when he feels like he needs to be patronizing... So I am trying to understand him, he's such a complicated person, and I'm the only one who understands him, and he feels this too, because he said it himself, and I feel this too, for not everybody understands his personality. It's funny, because I understand him so well, I wonder why would that be. I felt like screaming to him: IM ON YOUR SIDE! REMEMBER??? PLS DONT FORGET THAT!!!!!!! I think he felt guilty though. And, I think a lot in him, and it's strange, because I don't feel attracted to him at all, nor do I have a crush on him. And, I don't really admire him, but I respect him so much and it's not a very common thing for me to feel respect like this for just anyone. He's more like a parental figure, you know, like an authority, and I think the feeling is mutual, I think he sees me like a child and kind of daughter like, I mean, just by the way he pads me! I always feel awkward, at least a little, but it's very nice.

Sometimes though, like today, I feel... used. Is used the right word in this case? You know, why did I felt used? He's so stupid sometimes, doesnt he has a clue how valuable I am to him? Was I too annoying today? Am I an annoying person?

Today was the first day I felt like I didn't want to be anybody's assistant anymore. Ironic, huh? I used to feel like that everyday in my previous job, and this is my first time in this one.

I felt like I was losing my time, you know? How could that be possible if I'am very productive there.

Well, I just thought for that tiny moment like my time is only valuable if someone truly apreciates it, and it didnt feel that way. So, was I losing my time today?

Ineficiencia!

Tengo una queja de alguien, y no me queda mas que quejarme por aqui porque no puedo denunciarlo. Yo soy la asistente de mi jefe, y bueno, yo solo estoy "contratada" solo para trabajar para una empresa, la principal. Pero, yo lo ayudo en todas sus empresas, porque soy sus asistente y creo que debo ayudarlo en todo lo que necesite. Tiene sentido, no? En especial su asociacion de Caballos. En fin, HAY un asistente para esa asociacion. Pues entonces, lo que me molesta es, o no logro comprender, si es que es idiota, o es vago, o es ineficiente. Estare juzgandolo mal? Pero yo como que no VEO en que el puede ocuparse tanto. Yo le pido lo mas minimo, y el no lo hace. Y las cosas no las hace si yo se las pido, tengo que practicamente rogarle para que las haga. Y ni asi, tengo que estar en supervision directa para que las haga, si no no las hace! Osea, esto es ya RIDICULO. Somos adultos, osea, no somos niños ya. Si hay que hacer algo, hazlo. Por no dejes de hacerlo, damn. Entonces, cuando me preguntan si se hizo o no, ah no, no se hizo, porque al que le correspondia no le dio la gana de hacerlo... Sinceramente...... Como me prende la sangre la irresponsabilidad, la ineficiencia. Y para colmo, yo fajada! Con un sinnumero de cosas por hacer, porque ojala yo y el, que solo tiene que ocuparse de las operaciones de una empresa, yo tengo que encargarme de las 5 empresas de mi jefe!! DIIOSS!! PACIENCIA!
Y lo ironico del caso, que esto es solo en lo profesional. Porque en lo personal, el me cae de bien! That sure is Ironic...