Buscandoo un Poco de Amor..

Yo... ultimamente he querido estar solo saliendo, saliendo, saliendo. A mi ya ni me importa con quien, con solo simplemente "pasear", creo que tiene mucho que ver con que ya que sali de la uni, antes me cohibia mucho salir por los estudios y eso... y bueno, anoche VIERNES llame a todo el mundo, pero no encontre "ambiente" por lo que pare en la fiesta del apartamento de soltera de una de las lesbianas... Yo por mi parte, las veo como un grupo grande de amigas locas, porque por lo menos de mi parte no existe el minimo interes o atraccion por ellas.
Como imaginaran, yo prefiero mil veces un hombre a que una mujer... osea, yo estoy hablando claro: a mi los hombres me fascinan muchisimo y siempre quiero estar con ellos como es lo "normal", pero bueno, aveces las prefiero a ellas, me evito la agonia del aburrimiento de quedarme en mi casa, a que salir con un don nadie.
De repente, la muchacha intenta besarme, por lo que muy al principio le dije que No. Hizo un ultimo intento y me beso la boca muy apasionadamente, por lo que NO le devolvi el beso, siempre mantuve la boca cerrada. No me gusto para nada, no senti nada, no no no, nada que ver. Dios padre, me leo esto y ni me lo creo, que ando haciendo juntandome con estas mujeres? Sera que estoy tan vacia por dentro, o moribunda de amor? Yo voy a tener que buscarme una entretencion jullendo, yo no puedo estar en esta situacion. A ver si me pongo en clases de cocina (ay muy aburrrrido), en clases de baile? Algo que me queme toda la energia... pero algo sano, valgame Dios!

Background Song: Shakira- Buscando un poco de amor..!!

Ass-holes

Pero Dios mio, y que es lo que les pasa a los hombres ajenos?? Que necios son toditos, a mi me entristece mucho cuando un hombre comprometido me gira. Porque sera? Porque ustedes hacen eso? En lo que acaba del mes, 3 hombres con novia y el casado me han girado. En un MES!
Oiganse esta, fui a un bar el sabado a un cumple, y el tigre andaba con la novia. Fue y devolvio a la novia a su casa, y me empezo a dar muela! Y lo primero que le digo es que no quiero lio ni prblemas, y me dijo que no habia lios, que no habia compromiso,... osea, me dijo que tenia un año y un mes con ella,... osea! un año!! osea, la jeva tiene UN AÑO con el pana, y el dice que no es nada...!! Ay Dios mio porfavor, porfavor te lo ruego de corazon, en el momento que vaya a tener un novio o marido, te ruego por favor de corazon te lo pido, que me sea fiel. Por favor... que sea un sinumero de cosas, pero que me sea fiel.

Value

What, would you think, makes a person valuable?
Is it how strong it is? How much control they have over things, feelings, people? Is it this self control what makes you valuable? Is it your character, and the impact and influence you may have in others? Like Your charm to others?

Is it your spirit, and your way of not letting people control you?

Can you be valuable, or if you are not, can you learn to be valuable? Or is it someting you were either born with it or without?

Is it on a more superficial basis, as in your looks?

Is it How much you stand up for what you believe in, fighting for this?
For what you believe is right?

Is it how much good you do to society, or your contribution to it?

Is there a pattern to valuableness, or it is a different pattern for everyone?

I am just extremely sad today. It's not that I've realized I've become worthless, for I know how estremely valuable I am. It's just how I've lost the way to convince people of it.
It's so funny and ironic that conversation I had with the married man, the things he said were things that it's like he would have read my mind. I dare say it was an amazing connection. It's not that I miss him, because I DONT. I only miss the lies that seemed true and the way he used to make me feel special. Como dice Arjona: No te enamoraste de mi, si no de ti: cuando estas conmigo...

Pues conoci una amiga, que es amiga de una amiga, y bueno, me resultaba extraño su interes muy marcado por ser mi amiga y salir conmigo. Yo, muy ingenuamente, solo pense: bueno! que chula es ella! Tengo una nueva amiga con quien salir, Yipee!!.

Una noche la llame para juntarme con su coro, y cuando llegue al sitio, lo unico que me dijo: eh.... hum... eehhh.. No se si te va a gustar este coro, pero es un coro de lesbianas...

!!!!

Yo diria que soy muy open minded (aveces), y bueno le dije: ay mija, eso no e' na!! Yo soy muy cool, vamo' arriba!... Claro, en el coro yo era la unica "straight", y me decian la "straight", Go figure, ahi YO era la rara jajajaja.

Mientra mas yo veia a esas mujeres besandose y bailando, yo solo pensaba: Cuanto a mi me gustan los hombres... nooooooooooo, no cambio a un hombre por nada!

Ellas se veian muy felices y todo ya que tienen su propio mundo, pero aun asi, debe ser dificil romper con los paradigmas, y ser diferente a lo normal... No poder agarrarte de mano con tu novia en la calle, todo debe ser muy "moca", muy fuerte, muy fuerte...

Closure with the Married man?

All this time from now, the married man has done absolutley everything to be with me, sometimes I've been very strong minded, and sometimes... well, not as much. It's harder than what it looks like, when you have someone constantly insisting, and you wanting to see him too but haven't for many reasons...

So, my last conversation 2 weeks ago was the same I always use with him: the one that we can never see each other again, and to stop calling. So after that conversation, I really stopped answering his phone calls. But this is really such a smart man, It seems like he just knows how to get everything he wants, or at least the best moves. I really admire that in men,

So, in the event where we both eventually see each other, and where he took of course his wife, (which is such a sweet and nice lady, just thinking about her makes my eyes watery) he even dared to call me and tell me to give him just 5 minutes of conversation...

Which he had to insist for it, for I wasn't really much into it. Since he always knows how to say the perfect things to convince anyone, I agreed.

He then looked into my eyes, and said all those wonderful things women love to hear. Then he said that I was worth a lot, and that I shouldn't let anyone make me feel or treat otherwise: and I asked him if he meant himself, and then he said probably... He said that all this time, my actions have shown him that I want him to leave me alone, and that I wanted his respect (It's like he finally understood), and that's when he hugged me, and kissed me, which I didn't really kiss him back, but some tears escaped my eyes I admit! He asked my why I was crying, and then I told him that I wanted to be with him, but that I couldn't. And I AGAIN explained to him that I wasn't going to lose my time with someone who couldnt offer my anything, that couldn't give me a future, que lo unico que me podia dar era carinio, and that he didn't want to hurt me, but that he was, I told him there was no other way this could end... and this time, he seemed to finally understand.

So he said: Have a good life, and I hope you get everything you deserve,

And then I told him: I want you to be happy, I only wish I can in my Life get a wonderful man like you (which I meant);

To what he said: You have one right now, and you're losing him...

and that's when I looked into his eyes and told him: you were never truly mine, and I'll never lose you for you were never mine to start with, and you will NEVER be mine,

And it actually surprised me that he said: it's true, I will never be yours (y se le salieron do' lagrimita!!!)

to that, he kissed me hard and passionately, to which I ended the kiss with: this one is the last one... and left.

Why does it always has to be so dramatic? If he never calls me, I will truly admire this man, because I'll realize that he truly is trying hard not to hurt me, acting in a non selfish way. I wish he wouldn't, I'd really like to look back in time, and say that he was being honest and that he really felt something and showed it by respecting me and leaving me alone.


Background music: Savage Garden- Truly Madly Deeply,
Sin Banderas- Que Lloro